I keep typing and typing but I just end up canceling everything and not hitting send.

I'm trying my damndest to not care, but still you're the only thing that crosses my mind ever so frequently.

I know, to you I'm this whiny irritating insensitive bitch who cares only about her own feelings. Not about yours. If only you held my hand or waited for me while I went through it, or maybe not said "I don't know" after I asked you the question, which eventually led to me deciding to go ahead with it.

Mrs sus recently had a miscarriage, and I feel like such a terrible human being. There are innocent babies and desperate amazing people out there who deserve their happiness, much more than I do. But why is it that I'm just about the only insane person who chose to take that one shred of hope away from myself?

I question myself every single night. No matter how much I try to stuff my

tummy with food, I still feel a gnawing hollow feeling. A small part was taken away that day, which can never be returned.

I wonder what's on your mind, what you are doing, whether you think of me like how I'm thinking of you. Are you?

Maybe it's called paying a price, but does anyone deserve such a heavy debt?